She claims this really happened

Since my wife is unlikely to blog, I figured I would share this with you. She claims that it really happened, but I'll let you be the judge.

Last night, I went to bed before Jenn. Mind you, I didn't go early or anything... it was after midnight (due to the wrapping). Knowing my wife, it was probably 2am by the time she arrived. I was, apparently, asleep already.

Jenn: kneels down to pray as she does before getting in bed
Tim: Are you looking for the bovine creatures?
Jenn: ignores me... thinking I'm just mumbling in my sleep
Tim: Are you looking for the nekkid cows?
Jenn: What? No, I'm praying. [laughs]
Tim: [annoyed] Stop laughing. I used the right word. Bovine means cows.

Mind you, I'm not the only one who says silly stuff when sleepy. Back in, oh, 1996, Jenn and I had this exchange as she napped one day:

Jenn: [deep in her nap] You missed your pick!
Tim: What?
Jenn: You missed your pick!
Tim: What are we picking?
Jenn: We're pickin' pigs.

Well, obviously.

And lastly, can I ask you this? Should I be pleased about Jenn's current judgment or concerned about her initial judgment when I hear last night that she has to return something she's purchased for me because it's for a woman?

"How do the lambs know what time it is?"

Lindy asked me that this weekend. We were sitting at lunch, eating gyros, with the Hickmans and the Watsons. I looked around the restaurant, trying to figure out what the heck she was talking about.

Do you know?


Would it help you if I said, "Pa rum pum pum pum"?


I think Tim Hickman was the one to figure it out. We spent much of the meal from that point forward trying to figure out how an ox or a lamb might keep time... Foot tapping? Does a cloven hoof make it difficult to snap?

Amalgam

Clearly my daughters are an amalgam of their mother (a foodie) and father (a hockey fan). Tonight's indication came on the car ride home from our first basketball practice of the year.

Aspen: Did the Predators win their last game?
Tim: Yes, I think it was 1 - 0.
Aspen: Who was the goalie?
Tim: Pekka Rinne.
Aspen: [after a pause] How old is pecorino?

The Santa Train

We were having a nice breakfast here in Kingsport. Grammie and Lindy had put together the traditional items, toast, grits, bacon, and of course, eggs. I mentioned that when we have eggs at home, we often have a dozen among us.

Grandpa decided to test the girls.

Grandpa: Aspen, do you know how many there are in a dozen?
Aspen (and Oakley): Twelve.
Grandpa: And how many in a baker's dozen.
Aspen (and Oakley): Thirteen!

a few moments passed, clearly long enough for a subject change...

Grandpa: Do you all know what the Santa Train is?
Oakley: 14!?

Silly Daddy

I was putting Lindy down for bed tonight. I set her in the crib, and grabbed her pillow for her. (It's actually a stuffed shirt, but that's a story for another time.)

So, I laid it out, upside down as it turns out.

Lindy: Silly freakin' Daddy, that's not how it goes.
Tim: What?!
Lindy: Silly freakin' Daddy.
Tim: Uh, Lindy, we don't use that word.
Lindy: I just like you.

Oops!

OK, so I managed to go through the whole of Jenn's birthday yesterday without taking a picture... Oh well, I'm sure she'll be crushed.

As the girls wrote on countless banners around the house, "Happy Brithday, Mammoo!"

Aspen (with Oakley's help) gave Jenn a really sweet gift. She took one of the sunflowers that had grown in the garden and harvested the seeds from it herself. No, they weren't in great shape. But Aspen collected them and packaged them up and wrapped them herself. It was really sweet. (This was on top of the vegetables that she snuck out of the house to get yesterday morning.)

Aspen packed the sunflower seeds by placing them in a ziploc bag full of water (so they wouldn't dry out), and then putting them in a gift bag, all several days before Jenn's birthday. Somehow, and boy am I thankful, the two ziplocs both managed to stay closed.

Do you all know that seeds are best kept dry? Can I tell you now, that never, not once, has such a sweet gift smelled so incredibly bad?!?! The smell literally knocked us all back as Jenn removed the ziplocs from the gift bag... and they were sealed! The odor was so bad we had to take them out of the house immediately!

So, happy birthday, Jenn. We do love you... enough to give you stinky gifts. (And thanks Aspen, for having such grace throughout the opening. Aspen laughed with us... she is so incredibly sweet.)

Lest they feel left out, Oakley and Lindy both brought sweet gifts for Jenn as well. Oakley's cards are everywhere and very cute, and Lindy drew pictures of both Jenn and me, Jenn's with far more hair than mine.

Lindy and her words...

Lindy is really awfully well spoken for a two year old. That's why I can post funny things like this from tonight as we were getting ready for bed.

Lindy: Daddy, there's a stranger.
Tim: Where?
Lindy: In the hall.
Tim: Who is it?
Lindy: It's Daddy.
Tim: Lindy, a stranger is someone you don't know.
Lindy: [emphatically] Like deers are strangers.

Day 3: Holy Roma

Holy Roma... Our first full day in Rome was dedicated to Holy Rome, the Vatican City and its sights. But first, we had to have some breakfast. Jenn woke up before any of us and headed over to Campe De Fiori on her own... she came back with some fresh fruit and a happy expression. Campo was excellent for our needs, and breakfast was great.

We had heard that the morning lines at the Vatican could be troublesome, so we booked a guided tour of the Vatican Gardens. It was a successful technique for avoiding the security lines (which were surely longer than an hour) and shot us right inside. The inside of the Vatican is not simple... it took some time to get the right tickets and find our way to our guide. While the tour iteslf was a bit longer than I might have chosen, the guide was good, and it was cool to see many parts of the Vatican City that few others see. My favorite moment was when she started complaining about the quality of some recent additions to the exterior of St. Peter's Basillica and the quality of the Roman water. She was, at least, honest.

We exited the garden tour and found our way back into St. Peter's. Lines weren't bad, and the timing worked to tether Lindy to my back with Keeley's backpack (which was quite helpful). Lindy slept while we explored the huge basilica and considered climbing to the cupola. We wisely chose not to, and instead headed over on the 2km walk to explore the Vatican Museums. This was an occasion where Rick Steves served us well. Visiting after noon allowed us to avoid all the security lines and shoot right in (again). We basically checkout some mummies (as the girls were into them) and cruised straight down to the Sistine Chapel. We felt it was something we had to see. While it was impressive, I was weary. And I have to admit... I just don't get historic pieces of art all that much. My eye sort of blocks out the entire area and labels it "old art". Good art, bad art, imitation art, I can't really distinguish it at all. But, I'm happy to have seen it.

My favorite moment, though, followed immediately after the Sistine Chapel. The museum is massively long and straight. A hall that takes many adults 15 minutes to walk without delay. Well, we were ready to be done, so we told Lindy to go for it. And she ran. Seriously, she was running full speed the entire way. It took Jenn walking full speed to keep up with her at all. The only time Lindy stopped was when Oakley told her she couldn't run. She yelled at Oakley and said, "I can't _walk_ that fast!" So, off she went again, full speed. It was funny to watch the train of Martins spill through the halls of the Vatican. To me, it was funnier still. I said to Jenn, "Lindy is the personification of my spirit released." It was time to go to the apartment.

And so we did. We relaxed a bit, rested, and picked a dinner spot. Alfredo e Ada was one Jenn had read about at home, and it wasn't far from the apartment. The entire restaurant has 5 tables, and no one there seems to speak any English at all. But they were more than hospitable. We sat down, and Ada herself joined us very quickly. She drew pictures on the table cloth, made Lindy sit in her lap, and we gesticulated at each other as we shared no language at all. (Although she was _convinced_ that I spoke Italian or some other language. For that matter, though, she was convinced that I was either Australian or German. I take this as a compliment; At least she didn't think I was a "dirty American".)

The food was fun (no menu at all... they just brought bread, pasta with red sauce, and offered us "beef or veal", and some biscotti. A fun experience, a memoable place, and a memorable proprietor. As Lindy removed her bib, Ada took it and signed it with the marker she had in her hand. (This is really funny to me, as it is literally the only bib we have for Lindy. It looks like we've written her name on it forever. Oh well.

One last funny moment... While were walking through the halls of the Vatican museum, we spent some time examining busts of various people. Oakley's reaction? "Will they make my body one day?" This one does not lack confidence in her body.

"Mommy & Daddy can!"

So, I was saying good night to the two older girls just now. It started with Oakley...

Oakley: Daddy, I was just going to ask...
Aspen: [preempting Oakley] This headboard is getting annoying.
Tim: Just move your pillow down, it won't bump it.
Aspen: OK.
Oakley: I said to Aspen, "I wish you could sleep in my bed." And she said, "I wish I could, too."
Aspen: No, I didn't.
Oakley: Yes, you did.
Tim: You wish you could snuggle with Oakley, Aspen?
Aspen: Yes.
Tim: Well, that's sweet. It wouldn't be good for sleeping though, OK?
Aspen: OK.
Tim: In Italy, though, I'm sure there will be nights where you guys share a bed, so you can snuggle then.
Aspen: OK.
Oakley: Are we going to have bunk beds?
Tim: Yes.
Aspen: I wish we could have them for more than one night.
Tim: Why, so both of you can sleep on top?
Aspen: Yes.
Tim: We will.
Oakley: Yes!
Aspen: How many nights will we have them?
Tim: Three.
Oakley: Who will get to sleep there the third night?
Tim: I don't know, we'll see.
Oakley: Mommy & Daddy can!

Bacon

In case you missed it on my twitter stuff, this was Aspen's quote last night eating dinner...

"Bacon is so good to me, it's like dessert."

Papa would be so proud.

"I said it"

A few months ago, Aspen came home sporting some new jokes learned at school.

Aspen: What's your name?
Tim: Daddy.
How do you spell it?
Tim: D - A - D - D - Y.
Aspen: I said, "It." I - T.

Well, Lindy brought her own flavor to it today.

Lindy: How do you spell your name?
Tim: D - A - D - D - Y.
Lindy: What's your name?
Tim: Daddy.
Lindy: I said, "It".

Update: Just now, I overheard Oakley and Lindy playing "Babies", where Lindy is a baby, and Oakley is the mom.

Oakley: What's your name?
Lindy: It.

"I was just offering."

Tonight, we had dinner on the screened porch, and had recently finished. Aspen and Lindy were wrestling on the floor inside, and Oakley was finishing up her strawberries. (Yes, we finished the 16 quarts from last week, and yes, Jenn bought five more this week.)

Oakley stood up to go inside, and started to hand her plate to Jenn.

Jenn: You can take your plate in.
Oakley: Do you want me to take your stuff in?
Jenn: You can if you want to.
Oakley: No thanks, I was just offering.

Lindy's ABC's

This video is not here because the ABC's are accurate.





Lindy's ABC's from Tim Martin on Vimeo.

I have to admit, I was not ready for this question...

We were upstairs helping the girls get ready for bed.

Oakley: How do babies get in mommies' tummies?
Tim: ______ [shifty glance at Jenn, look at floor]
Jenn: Well, Oakley... a man and woman... a husband and a wife... a husband gives a wife a seed, and it grows in the wife's tummy.

[a moment passes]

Oakley: How does he give her the seed?
Tim: ______ [Very busy with, um, anything, please? Anything at all? Yes, Aspen's fingernails were very long, and they required great focus.]
Jenn: The husband and wife lie very close together.
Oakley: How does he give it to her?
Jenn: Whoa, Oakley, we didn't finish brushing your teeth!

Let me just say, I am awfully proud of my wife's answer. It would have been easy pickings to say, "God puts the baby in the mommy's tummy," or some contrivance about a stork, but she did not. She faced it head on, and I liked that.

And if Aspen's fingernails hadn't been so dangerous, I'm sure that I would have been right in there with the answer. Without a doubt.

Sitty

Jenn has my car today because I took hers in for 30,000 mile service. That means that the kids get to experience some different music than normal. As I'm sure you all know, I'm pretty hardcore. At this moment, I'm kicking some, well, ok, I have showtunes in my CD player right now. Jenn and I went to see Rent last Friday at TPAC, and so I had been listening to it lately.

So, this is the scene in the car on the way to day school today:

Angel (Rent): New York City.
Collins (Rent): Uh huh.
Angel (Rent): Center of the universe.
Collins (Rent): Sing it, girl.
Angel (Rent): Times are shitty, but I'm pretty sure they can't get worse.
Lindy: puzzled expression I don't know what sitty means.
Jenn: pushes skip button quickly
Oakley: No, Lindy, it's shitty.
Jenn: Sometimes people use words we just shouldn't use.

We have no indication of whether Oakley knows what shitty means...

Soccer is sort of underway

Well, we're in the spring soccer season, which means we're missing games pretty regularly. Rain seems to be killing us, especially the U7's, Aspen's team. We finally got our first games in on Saturday, and both were a lot of fun.

Aspen was her typical responsible self, and the final score of her game was 1-1. She was a big part of that. Frankly, her team has come a long way over the winter (absence makes them better, apparently). There was some passing, and the team was quite effective as a whole.

Oakley had a solid game as well. For her, that meant poking home three goals during the game and colliding with Zoe and a bunch of other girls. If we renamed the team now, we'd be called the Wrecking Balls.

Today's practice was pretty funny. Among our spectators for practice were a couple of Tennessee Titans (one former, one current). One of them has a daughter on the team. The other you have probably heard of... he's super freaky. Well, we were having a good time, and then the rains came. We've made a point with the girls that we'll play through anything. That meant that we just kept on playing. Well, let's say that certain members of our crowd made it to the car pretty quickly. Twenty minutes later, the girls were still playing duck duck goose, wet bottoms and all.

Cliff Strikes

As predicted, Cliff Batson (sorry I misspelled it last time) was a willing participant. Now, Cliff didn't have great material to work with, but he did a bit of work for all of you. Enjoy.

"Know that..."

Oakley has a stuffed pig (intended for drawing on) that she got for her birthday. For whatever reason, this pig has become important to Lindy. Today, before nap, Lindy wanted to hold it (and the book, and some other stuff).

Jenn: Lindy, isn't that nice of Oakley to share her pig with you?
Lindy: My pig.
Jenn: Lindy, that's Oakley's pig.
Lindy (as if to say, "Duh, Mom"): [I] know that.

Jenn was also telling me that Lindy found my new laptop today. It was sitting on the desk in the office and she walked up to it, and opened it. Well, when it gets opened, the CD drive spins to see if anything is there... Let's just say that when Jenn turned around, Lindy had slammed the laptop closed and started running...

"I like the way he looks"

So, we were at the Dolphin Club last night... it was about 7:30 and we literally had the pool entirely to ourselves. I was hanging out with Oakley, and three of the lifeguards walked by.

Oakley: That's my favorite lifeguard.
Tim: Really? Which one?
Oakley (somewhat shyly): Don't worry about it.
Tim: What? Just tell me, Oakley, it's no big deal.
Oakley (shyly again): The boy.
Tim: Why is that?
Oakley (even more shyly): I like the way he looks.

I thought this was pretty funny. It was offset later, though, when she told Jenn she like the girl with the braids too. But it sure does start early, doesn't it?

The other night, I was reading to the girls before bed. I noticed that Oakley wasn't even really looking at the book. And she was kind of pursing her lips repeatedly... When questioned, she acknowledged that she was looking at me. And giving me kisses... How sweet is that?